Reflections

There is an old saying, “The grass is greener on the other side of the fence” most people have heard this. It speaks of hoping or wishing for something better in the future or looking at something better that you cannot attain. But there is a second part to that saying that is less well known. Its goes like this, “The grass is greener on the side that you water.” This second half to the old saying means that the more time and effort you put into something, the happier you are with it. This paper will be focusing on what I have learned about marriage and what I have learned about myself, a plan for self-improvement, and my future goals.

            When a couple falls in love and decides to get married it is because they have spent time together, dating. It makes sense that one aspect of a good marriage is learning how to spend time with your spouse, and dating them! When my husband and I first got married, we were really good at going on a date every Friday. Now we have a different commitment on Friday nights and we have had a hard time getting back into the habit. A principle that I learned from a class discussions was spending dating your spouse. In class we learned that we should always plan a date each week, and it should be at least two hours. It’s also important to do different things for your dates, and to be careful of falling into doing the same things each week. My goal for the future is to plan a month ahead our dates. Taking turns planning them each week. That way when the day actually comes we already have an activity picked out. This is a great way to enhance our romance and our communication.

            Communication is a huge part of a marriage; it can destroy or build up a marriage.  Knowing how to communicate with your spouse in an argument is essential to having a successful marriage.  Its ok to argue in your relationship, “If you don’t complain about your relationship, you are headed towards a divorce.” (Gottman) When you talk about what you don’t like, you are working towards a solution.  Its even ok to have anger and passion when in an argument, it is not ok if it turns into criticism. Other things to avoid are

1.     Pulling other issues into the argument

2.     Turning sorry into a shut down of conversation

3.     Stonewalling

4.     Flooding

Some helpful things to remember in an argument is make sure that there is a foundation of love and respect. Happily married couples have the ability to exit an argument. I have a great need to work on communicating effectively. When my husband and I have a disagreement I usually just want to stop and be happy again, so I’ve noticed that I use sorry as a shut down to the conversation. I have good intentions but just not a good way solve the problem. My plan for self-improvement it to talk to my husband about making an exit to an argument. Just a way for us to agree to disagree for the time being and focus on something else.  I am aware or the bad habit in which I have been using the word sorry. Because I know that I can make a conscious effort to use refer to our exit plan instead. One great way to keeping contention out of your marriage and have healthy communication is to beware of pride.

            Pride is the great sin that affects all people to different degrees at different times in our life’s. Most of the time we are prideful without even being aware of it. Pride are harm our relationship and make us feel alone within our own homes. This is so important to remember in our marriages, here are a couple of way to detect pride

1.     Holding grudges

2.     Disobedience

3.     Competitive

4.     Bossy

My marriage I have noticed that I can be kind of bossy. I never liked it about myself but felt like it was the only way that my husband knew what I wanted him to do. After reading this talk by Benson, I recognize that I am prideful. There are other ways to let my husband know what I would like without being bossy. My plan for self-improvement is to cut the this that I want my husband to do in half, the other half will be more of suggestions that he could do if he wants. I think that when I give my husband a little bit of space, he will rise up to the occasion and see what needs to be done, without me telling him. (Benson)

           

Future Goals

Teach my children about Marriage so that they have a healthy image of it, going into their own marriage. I think one of the best things I can do for my children is show and teach them about marriage.  Children are first introduced to marriage in their families. All children believe that they will grow up to be married; it’s a goal that they are always working towards. Once they are married, they need to have a realistic view on what married life will look like. The most important things I can teach them are,

1.     Marriage is a choice

2.     You get married when you have reached maturity

3.     Marriage is heterosexual

4.     The Man is head of the family

5.     Marriage is monogamous

6.     Priesthood is a part of marriage

7.     Gender Roles (Hall)

References

Benson, Ezra T. "Beware of Pride." - Ensign May 1989. N.p., n.d. Web. 15 Dec. 2013.

(Hall, Scott S. "Marital Meaning." Journal of Familt Issues 27.10 (2006): n. pag. Print.

Gottman, John Mordechai., and Nan Silver. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Crown, 1999. Print.