Top Ten

List of top ten things Ive learned this semester

1. Structure family theory. Every person in the family has a role of some kind. An example of this is that the mom looks after the children, The dad is the football fan, oldest brother is the marching band member and the youngest is the peace maker. This theory relates best with my family, each of us have a given role, it makes everyone feel included.  I have found that as us have gotten older our “roles” have changed to what we were interested In or best at.

This way we do not feel stuck in our given roles. It’s the relationship between husband and wife!  The most effective way to keep a family together it to keep the marriage strong and healthy. Family relationships should be like this an egg. In the yoke is the mother and father, then in the surrounding circle is the children.

2. Importance of Gender. I grew up in a house with very clear gender roles. My mother always cooked, did the dishes and cleaned. While my Dad worked all day and took care of the lawn and garden. My sister and I would babysit and my brother would mow the lawns. I thought that all families like this, it never even occurred to me that there was a different way to do things. I loved being raised with a mother that was always home to take care of us, she was always there. Although I did miss my dad a lot because he was always working. For my family now I want the same thing that I had, the only difference is that I would like my husband to be home more. I realize that this dream that I have is so much harder to attain in todays economy. The only thing I can do is have faith, and do my best to keep the commandments. 

3. Different types of love. There is more than one kind of love. In the Greek language there are different kinds of words for the word love. 1. Phillia- Brotherly love, or friendship 2. Agape- Not a feeling base, you barley know them3. Eros- Passionate love, intense feelings, erotic. Romantic and sexual 4. Storge- Parent Child love, protection and nurturing love 

 The way you date may dictate how your marriage turns out. We grew up with the friendship/hanging out model of dating. Take the T.V. show friends for example. Is anybody in that show really committed to anyone? No, they are all friends and just swap, who they are dating with of someone else in the group. Its called hanging out. Once you do decided to get married, those hanging out habits just don’t go away!            

There are three “P’s” to successful dating that can be carried over in marriage. Take the traditional three P’s of dating, This dating model is always used because it is the best way to get to know your date.  

1. Planned                 Preside

2. Paid                      Provide

3. Paired off              Protect 

In marriage this can translate into Presiding, providing and protecting. 

Form good habits when dating, for a healthier marriage.

4. Love, and Transitions. When you get married, there are a lot of adjustments you have to make. Personal space, you are now with your husband always! Its so great, but living with a guy is a lot different that with 5 roommates. Budgeting- money and time. As full time student’s money is pretty tight, learning to budget is going to be so important! Its also important to budget your time. Turning towards each other- It’s important that you learn to turn to your husband FIRST when something is not going right. Not your old roommate, your best friend or parent. It establishes trust and an opportunity for greater love between you and your spouse.

•        In-Laws; You have to learn to love your in-laws to establish a good relationship. Trying to decide who’s parents to visit for a holiday can be tricky

You will have to learn to put your spouses needs/wants before your own, and your spouse will do the same!

5. Fidelity in Marriage. There are four types of infidelity; fantasy, visual, romantic and sexual. When one mentions infidelity in marriage, usually the first thing that comes to mind is sexual. However the most common is Fantasy Affair. 

Fantasy affair is an emotional affair with someone who has no knowledge about what is happening. Some examples of this include social net working, emails, and chat rooms. This could also apply to someone having an attachment with a fictional character in a book.

 The best way to avoid this in your marriage is to be fiercely Loyal. 

Here are a list of ways to be loyal to your spouse,

•    Resist the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who pours their heart out to you. Don’t share the most painful things of your soul with an attractive alternative. 
This develops deep levels of intimacy. If a conversation makes light of marriage, respond with something positive about 
your own marriage. Discuss marital issues with your spouse. Work on the problems at home. If you do 
need to talk to someone else about your marriage, be sure they are a friend of the 
marriage. Don’t have lunch or take work breaks with same person all the time. When you travel with a co-worker, meet in the public rooms, not in a room with a 
bed. If an old boyfriend or girlfriend is going to be at a class reunion, make sure you 
bring your spouse along. If you value your marriage, don’t do lunch alone with an old flame. Don’t try to be cute or “flirty” with anyone other than your spouse. Do not allow your heart to dwell on anyone. Infidelity is a subtle process. Usually it does not begin with adultery, but with your thoughts!

6. Family Crisis. Crisis in a family can be a positive experience, if the family has the has the correct resources and a positive response. The Chinese Symbol for Crises has two different Characters, one means danger and one means Crisis. 

 Crisis can happen to any family, and is likely to happen to all families. It can be devastating or a opportunity to build the family. During a crisis, a family can lean on each other and work together to get thought the challenge. No one would understand as much as a family.  Crisis happens to everyone, every family, sometime down the road. Here is a of the most common forms of a family crisis: Death, Divorce, Deployment, Health Problems

7. Communication. Communication can be expressed in three different ways, Words, tone and non-verbal.Did you know that even when we are not trying to communicate, we are communicating?  We have all felt the  non-verbal cues from others, that have great meaning. A look between two girls as a cute guy walks in the room. A group of friends sharing a look at a funny joke a teacher says. Or a married couple communicating with facial expressions when, someone is selling something at their door. Communication is not limited to Words, in fact, during the average day we use, 14% of words, 35% Tone, 51% Non-verbal

Words have the lowest percentage! One way to send out positive messages with you body languages is to find someone that you admire, who you think is friendly and welcoming to everyone. Watch them! Try to observe how the move, when they move that makes others feel so comfortable.

8. Parenting. The important role of being a parent is getting lost in todays society, Couples are having less children and having them at a older age.

Here are some trends with parents

 - Choosing not to have children, it is increasing, Birth Control, Abortion, Russia it is common to have three on average, Delaying having children, Fewer Children, Parenting not being seen as a virtue, parents are less involved. Schools are now teaching

What is the role of parents? Here are a few ideas that my class came up with

Purpose of parenting

- Teach children social Norms, Develop emotional skills, Fathers to presided and provide, Nurture the Children, Prepare parents for eternal life, Set an example

Does it matter how many children we have?

Many people say that on average from birth to 18, parents will spend about 270,000 on a child. Does this number seem fishy to anyone else. Is it really more expense to have 5 kids opposed to 3 kids? You sets that number? Is it possible that the sellers at different compartments set this number? They will definitely have an agenda! This number could also scare people away from having children. In America, we see the the number of kids someone has and think, wow that must be expensive, they must be struggling. In class, one lady is from Samoua, and the more kids you have the more wealthy you are considered.

9. Fathers. Even from birth, children who have an involved father are more likely to be emotionally secure, be confident to explore their surroundings, and, as they grow older, have better social connections.”

Fathers are important in their children’s lives because they will play and HUGE impact on the Childs emotional well being.

Point number 2, “Fathers spend a higher percentage of their one-to-one interactions with infants and preschoolers in stimulating, playful activity than do mothers. From these interactions, children learn how to regulate their feelings and behavior.” It is important to have a father play with the children, even from as young as Birth!

Point #3- “Children with involved, caring fathers have better educational outcomes” The impact that a father can have on a child will last into adulthood, when they are pursuing their educational goals

Point #4- “behavioral and general health and well-being areas of a child's life; that having a positive male role model helps an adolescent boy develop positive gender-role characteristics” When the father is involved with the child, it gives the child a healthy sense of gender. They are less likely to have gender confusion, and feel more comfortable with their gender growing up.

Point #5- “a father's presence and involvement can be as crucial to a child's healthy development as is the mother's” It is important to remember that the mother is not the only important parent! Often time the father gets pushed to the side and will be forgotten about. Often times if a father tries to be more involved with a child, he faces hardships from the media, wife and even sometimes the Law. Fathers are just as, if not more important than the mother.

10. Dating in Marriage. When a couple falls in love and decides to get married it is because they have spent time together, dating. It makes sense that one aspect of a good marriage is learning how to spend time with your spouse, and dating them! When my husband and I first got married, we were really good at going on a date every Friday. Now we have a different commitment on Friday nights and we have had a hard time getting back into the habit. A principle that I learned from a class discussions was spending dating your spouse. In class we learned that we should always plan a date each week, and it should be at least two hours. It’s also important to do different things for your dates, and to be careful of falling into doing the same things each week. My goal for the future is to plan a month ahead our dates. Taking turns planning them each week. That way when the day actually comes we already have an activity picked out. This is a great way to enhance our romance and our communication.