Love, and Transitions

Love, and Transitions

They got married and lived happily ever after…

It’s not that simple! When you get married, there are a lot of adjustments you have to make. Here are a few that I can up with, based on my own experiences.

• Personal space, you are now with your husband always! Its so great, but living with a guy is a lot different that with 5 roommates.

• Sharring a bed, I have always had my own bed, and my own covers to snuggle under. When you get married you have to learn how to share the covers!

You may have to use news paper ads for warmth :)

• Budgeting- money and time. As full time student’s money is pretty tight, learning to budget is going to be so important! Its also important to budget your time. I try to get home work done as quickly as possible so that Spencer and I can spend some time together. It’s harder than I thought it would be!
• Turning towards each other- It’s important that you learn to turn to your husband FIRST when something is not going right. Not your old roommate, your best friend or parent. It establishes trust and an opportunity for greater love between you and your spouse.
•     In-Laws; You have to learn to love your in-laws to establish a good relationship. Trying to decide who’s parents to visit for a holiday can be tricky.

How do you adjust to these different transitions?

Compromise

You will have to learn to put your spouses needs/wants before your own, and your spouse will do the same!

            What do you think are some transitions that have to be made in marriage? How can you learn to accommodate your spouse?

Love, and dating

Love, and Dating

In our culture we use the word casually. One could love a hamburger for lunch, Chicken Alfredo for dinner and then love talking to a friend in the evening. How can this be? Easy! There is more than one kind of love. In the Greek language there are different kinds of words for the word love. 

1. Phillia- Brotherly love, or friendship 
2. Agape- Not a feeling base, you barley know them
3. Eros- Passionate love, intense feelings, erotic. Romantic and sexual 
4. Storge- Parent Child love, protection and nurturing love 

What kind of love do you want to have with your spouse? Date people who have the love that you want in your life!

 Did you know that the way you date may dictate how your marriage turns out? We grew up with the friendship/hanging out model of dating. Take the T.V. show friends for example. Is anybody in that show really committed to anyone? No, they are all friends and just swap, who they are dating with of someone else in the group. Its called hanging out. Once you do decided to get married, those hanging out habits just don’t go away!            

There are three “P’s” to successful dating that can be carried over in marriage. Take the traditional three P’s of dating, This dating model is always used because it is the best way to get to know your date.  


1. Planned                 Preside
2. Paid                      Provide
3. Paired off              Protect 

In marriage this can translate into Presiding, providing and protecting. 
Form good habits when dating, for a healthier marriage.

Date right!

Gender Roles

How important is Gender?

Does it matter in a family?

I grew up in a house with very clear gender roles. My mother always cooked, did the dishes and cleaned. While my Dad worked all day and took care of the lawn and garden. My sister and I would babysit and my brother would mow the lawns. I thought that all families like this, it never even occurred to me that there was a different way to do things. I loved being raised with a mother that was always home to take care of us, she was always there. Although I did miss my dad a lot because he was always working. For my family now I want the same thing that I had, the only difference is that I would like my husband to be home more. I realize that this dream that I have is so much harder to attain in todays economy. The only thing I can do is have faith, and do my best to keep the commandments. 

 How did you grow up? What were the gender roles like in your family?

Tammy's Story

Family Roles

This video is touching and very powerful! This video shows the power of family roles, life style and labels can affect a family.

For Tammy’s family, the oldest son feels embarrassed of his family, because of how they dress and where they live. He feels at a disadvantage of everyone else because of his living condition. To compensate he dresses nicer and tries to clean up their trailer. Instead of trying to raise his family up, he makes himself feel better by bringing them down,  wishing his mother would look nicer, and refuses to acknowledge his brother as a brother.

This boy is clearly in charge of the family, it seems that everyone turns to him as a leader, without a father figure he is stepping up to fill in that role. It makes his mother take a back burner role, becoming distant to her children.

The boy and the mother both have a dream of going to college. My question for you is this:

Do You think either will end up going??

Love, within the Family

This week in class we talked about different kinds of family theories’. The One that I like the most is called the Structure family theory. Every person in the family has a role of some kind. An example of this is that the mom looks after the children, The dad is the football fan, oldest brother is the marching band member and the youngest is the peace maker. This theory relates best with my family, each of us have a given role, it makes everyone feel included.  I have found that as us have gotten older our “roles” have changed to what we were interested In or best at.

This way we do not feel stuck in our given roles.

            Here’s a question for ya! In the family, what is the most important relationship?

            It’s the relationship between husband and wife!  The most effective way to keep a family together it to keep the marriage strong and healthy. Family relationships should be like this an egg. In the yoke is the mother and father, then in the surrounding circle is the children. Why do you think that is the diagram for success?