List of top ten things Ive learned this semester
1. Structure family theory. Every person in
the family has a role of some kind. An example of this is that the mom looks
after the children, The dad is the football fan, oldest brother is the marching
band member and the youngest is the peace maker. This theory relates best with
my family, each of us have a given role, it makes everyone feel included.
I have found that as us have gotten older our “roles” have changed to
what we were interested In or best at.
This way we do not feel stuck in our given roles. It’s the
relationship between husband and wife! The most effective way to keep a
family together it to keep the marriage strong and healthy. Family
relationships should be like this an egg. In the yoke is the mother and father,
then in the surrounding circle is the children.
2. Importance of Gender. I grew up in a house with very
clear gender roles. My mother always cooked, did the dishes and cleaned. While
my Dad worked all day and took care of the lawn and garden. My sister and I
would babysit and my brother would mow the lawns. I thought that all families
like this, it never even occurred to me that there was a different
way to do things. I loved being raised with a mother that was always home to
take care of us, she was always there. Although I did miss my dad a lot because
he was always working. For my family now I want the same thing that I had, the
only difference is that I would like my husband to be home more. I realize that
this dream that I have is so much harder to attain in todays economy. The only
thing I can do is have faith, and do my best to keep the commandments.
3. Different types of love. There is more than one kind of
love. In the Greek language there are different kinds of words for the word
love. 1. Phillia- Brotherly love, or friendship 2. Agape- Not a
feeling base, you barley know them3. Eros- Passionate love, intense feelings,
erotic. Romantic and sexual 4. Storge- Parent Child love, protection and
nurturing love
The way you date may dictate how your marriage turns
out. We grew up with the friendship/hanging out model of dating. Take the
T.V. show friends for example. Is anybody in that show really committed to
anyone? No, they are all friends and just swap, who they are dating with of
someone else in the group. Its called hanging out. Once you do decided to get
married, those hanging out habits just don’t go away!
There are three “P’s” to successful dating that can be
carried over in marriage. Take the traditional three P’s of dating, This
dating model is always used because it is the best way to get to know your
date.
1. Planned
Preside
2. Paid
Provide
3. Paired off
Protect
In marriage this can translate into Presiding, providing
and protecting.
Form good habits when dating, for a healthier marriage.
4. Love, and Transitions.
When you get married, there are a lot of adjustments you have to make. Personal
space, you are now with your husband always! Its so great, but living with a
guy is a lot different that with 5 roommates. Budgeting- money and time. As
full time student’s money is pretty tight, learning to budget is going to
be so important! Its also important to budget your time. Turning towards each
other- It’s important that you learn to turn to your husband FIRST when
something is not going right. Not your old roommate, your best friend or
parent. It establishes trust and an opportunity for greater love between you
and your spouse.
•
In-Laws; You have to learn to love your in-laws to establish a good
relationship. Trying to decide who’s parents to visit for a holiday can be
tricky
You will have to learn to put your spouses needs/wants
before your own, and your spouse will do the same!
5. Fidelity in Marriage. There are four types of
infidelity; fantasy, visual, romantic and sexual. When one mentions infidelity
in marriage, usually the first thing that comes to mind is sexual. However the
most common is Fantasy Affair.
Fantasy affair is an emotional affair with someone who has
no knowledge about what is happening. Some examples of this include social net
working, emails, and chat rooms. This could also apply to someone having an attachment
with a fictional character in a book.
The best way to
avoid this in your marriage is to be fiercely Loyal.
Here are a list of ways to be loyal to your spouse,
• Resist
the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who pours their heart out to
you. Don’t share the most painful things of your soul with an attractive
alternative.
This develops deep levels of intimacy. If a conversation
makes light of marriage, respond with something positive about
your own
marriage. Discuss marital issues with your spouse. Work on the problems at
home. If you do
need to talk to someone else about your marriage, be sure they
are a friend of the
marriage. Don’t have lunch or take work breaks with
same person all the time. When you travel with a co-worker, meet in the
public rooms, not in a room with a
bed. If an old boyfriend or girlfriend
is going to be at a class reunion, make sure you
bring your spouse
along. If you value your marriage, don’t do lunch alone with an old
flame. Don’t try to be cute or “flirty” with anyone other than your
spouse. Do not allow your heart to dwell on anyone. Infidelity is a subtle
process. Usually it does not begin with adultery, but with your thoughts!
6. Family Crisis. Crisis in a family can be a positive
experience, if the family has the has the correct resources and a positive
response. The Chinese Symbol for Crises has two different Characters, one means
danger and one means Crisis.
Crisis can happen
to any family, and is likely to happen to all families. It can be devastating
or a opportunity to build the family. During a crisis, a family can lean on
each other and work together to get thought the challenge. No one would
understand as much as a family. Crisis happens to everyone, every family,
sometime down the road. Here is a of the most common forms of a family crisis:
Death, Divorce, Deployment, Health Problems
7. Communication. Communication can be expressed in three
different ways, Words, tone and non-verbal.Did you know that even when we are
not trying to communicate, we are communicating? We have all felt
the non-verbal cues from others, that have great meaning. A look between
two girls as a cute guy walks in the room. A group of friends sharing a look at
a funny joke a teacher says. Or a married couple communicating with facial
expressions when, someone is selling something at their door. Communication is
not limited to Words, in fact, during the average day we use, 14% of words,
35% Tone, 51% Non-verbal
Words have the lowest percentage! One way to send out
positive messages with you body languages is to find someone that you admire,
who you think is friendly and welcoming to everyone. Watch them! Try to observe
how the move, when they move that makes others feel so comfortable.
8. Parenting. The important role of being a parent is
getting lost in todays society, Couples are having less children and having
them at a older age.
Here are some trends with parents
- Choosing not to have children, it is increasing, Birth
Control, Abortion, Russia it is common to have three on average, Delaying
having children, Fewer Children, Parenting not being seen as a virtue, parents
are less involved. Schools are now teaching
What is the role of parents? Here are a few ideas that my
class came up with
Purpose of parenting
- Teach children social Norms, Develop emotional skills, Fathers
to presided and provide, Nurture the Children, Prepare parents for eternal life,
Set an example
Does it matter how many children we have?
Many people say that on average from birth to 18, parents
will spend about 270,000 on a child. Does this number seem fishy to anyone
else. Is it really more expense to have 5 kids opposed to 3 kids? You sets that
number? Is it possible that the sellers at different compartments set this
number? They will definitely have an agenda! This number could also scare
people away from having children. In America, we see the the number of kids
someone has and think, wow that must be expensive, they must be struggling. In
class, one lady is from Samoua, and the more kids you have the more wealthy you
are considered.
9. Fathers. Even from birth, children who have an involved
father are more likely to be emotionally secure, be confident to explore their
surroundings, and, as they grow older, have better social connections.”
Fathers are important in their children’s lives because
they will play and HUGE impact on the Childs emotional well being.
Point number 2, “Fathers spend a higher percentage of
their one-to-one interactions with infants and preschoolers in stimulating,
playful activity than do mothers. From these interactions, children learn how
to regulate their feelings and behavior.” It is important to have a father play
with the children, even from as young as Birth!
Point #3- “Children with involved, caring fathers have
better educational outcomes” The impact that a father can have on a child will
last into adulthood, when they are pursuing their educational goals
Point #4- “behavioral and general health and well-being
areas of a child's life; that having a positive male role model helps an
adolescent boy develop positive gender-role characteristics” When the father is
involved with the child, it gives the child a healthy sense of gender. They are
less likely to have gender confusion, and feel more comfortable with their
gender growing up.
Point #5- “a father's presence and involvement can be as
crucial to a child's healthy development as is the mother's” It is important to
remember that the mother is not the only important parent! Often time the
father gets pushed to the side and will be forgotten about. Often times if a
father tries to be more involved with a child, he faces hardships from the
media, wife and even sometimes the Law. Fathers are just as, if not more
important than the mother.
10. Dating in Marriage. When a couple falls in love and
decides to get married it is because they have spent time together, dating. It
makes sense that one aspect of a good marriage is learning how to spend time
with your spouse, and dating them! When my husband and I first got married, we
were really good at going on a date every Friday. Now we have a different
commitment on Friday nights and we have had a hard time getting back into the
habit. A principle that I learned from a class discussions was spending dating
your spouse. In class we learned that we should always plan a date each week,
and it should be at least two hours. It’s also important to do different things
for your dates, and to be careful of falling into doing the same things each
week. My goal for the future is to plan a month ahead our dates. Taking turns
planning them each week. That way when the day actually comes we already have
an activity picked out. This is a great way to enhance our romance and our
communication.
